Dear self,
I am here to tell you, to stop being so hard on you, you are doing the best you can, I know it, you know it, everyone knows it. I know you are filling up with guilt because you feel like you let your son down tonight. You feel like you broke routine and devastated that sleeping little boy who lays peaceful in his bed all because you were preoccupied and forgot to go in and give him his final hug and kiss ( after the hundreds you already gave) that is ever so important to him and you. To make the guilt worse you found your phone and saw text message after text message from your husband expressing how a kiss and hug is wanted. As you anxiously sweep the floors for the final time tonight, fighting back tears and trying everything to take your mind off of what you feel is a major failure in mommy-hood. I am here to tell you to please take a moment to realize, that your little man went to bed happy with his dad and that he understands that his sister needed you at that particular time.
As you learned tonight sometimes change is hard and even though unforeseen circumstances caused the nightly routine to be rocked, it does not mean his love for you shifted at all. It does not mean he thinks your love for him has decreased and he defiantly will not lose sleep over the fact that he got to spend quality time with his dad. I know as you sit here writing and these words are flowing onto the computer part of you believes each and every line but there is part of you who feels like you are simply trying to make a situation that felt horrible feel justified but I beg you to stop beating yourself up on a daily basis.
You are a mommy of two happy healthy babies who look at you with eyes that see perfection, with a heart that is pure, and mind that is anxious to learn everything there is to know. You have the most amazing job and believe me you are doing a tremendous job at raising these two angles to be full of love, kindness, integrity, boldness and excitement. You and your husband are raising your children in a godly home, where you love everyone, you say grace and bedtime prayers and are creating a foundation so strong that these two babies (that are your world) are going to grow up to be amazing people who will have their own important roles to play and you are preparing them.
Please make a promise to yourself, that even though you have all these fears everyday that you don't let them take away how good you are actually doing. This one event tonight has turned your whole day upside down and has taken away the snuggles that were given for most of the afternoon because they are both fighting colds, the multiple hugs and kisses that were exchanged just because, the laughs that were granted as you read silly books, and the ever exciting play-dough adventures that captivated both kiddos. Please remind yourself when the fears creep in that you are doing the best you can. Say it over and over and believe it because you truly are an amazing mom!!!!
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